The Smell of Bullshit, part 59: Suicide is Painless, Sorry, Passion

An email today from an ex-employee, who says she has been told (but did not witness) that when Lush fired a manager in another country, the manager attempted suicide. Rather than express sympathy or concern for someone in such distress, MC used it as a punchy anecdote to show how passionate Lush employees are, and topped it off with “she was probably on drugs – as most girls who work for us- and in their mid-twenties are.”

What a guy. What a company.

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The Smell of Bullshit, part 58: Calm Down, Dear

Email from an employee, informing me that Mark Constantine closed a manager’s meeting with “People say we’re an ethical company. I don’t think we are when it comes to management. I’m not sure how you’re gonna take this, but I want to discuss hormones.” Then he talked about an argument between him and a female staff member where they screamed at each other and it finished with her shouting “you can’t fire me because I quit.” Having spent some time thinking about it, his suggestions for managing conflict with female staff were “That’s why she’s acting the way she is: it’s a full moon. It’s down to the managers to learn to control their hormones: when they’re on their periods, it’s up to managers to curb the way you’re dealing with staff when they’re on or curb the way you’re speaking to people when you’re on.”

I don’t think I need to comment here. It speaks for itself.

The Smell of Bullshit, part 57: trouble at t’mill

An email that was sent to southside socialist at hotmail dot co dot uk.

All has been quiet on the Bullshit front lately so I thought I’d share with you some things that are going on here at head office that no one is happy about but everyone is just too afraid to speak of for fear of their jobs.  It’s not just the elephant in the room it’s a whole herd!
Lush Digital, the new company that was set up with Jack Constantine at the helm, is a complete joke! He is such a meglomaniac that no one wants to work with him once they get to know him and around 2/3 of the staff have either left, relocated or been ‘replaced’ after having the ‘we don’t think you’re happy’ or ‘we don’t think you’re financially viable’ chats.  If your face doesn’t fit it doesn’t matter how good you are at your job, your days are numbered.  If you’re not ‘Lush’ enough and don’t embrace the ‘Lush Culture’ you’ll be out the door – unless your looks catch Jack’s eye and you suddenly get a job as his PA, until he’s fed up with you and then you’ll be sidelined for another one.
Everyone can see that he is running the place into the ground,  losing millions of pounds in sales in the process because the website is so crap that it’s making a loss for the first time ever.  He makes a mockery out of something that, with the right people at the top, could be hugely successful but he will make it fail, like he does with every thing he touches because, quite frankly, he’s an idiot who couldn’t run a bath let alone a company.  It’s only because daddy has given him a free rein to do what he likes that he is even in that position of power.  He has spent millions on decorating the building, making it look really nice but, unfortunately, the staff who work there are so unhappy, depressed, demotivated, demoralised, underpaid (well, the women anyway), overworked (well, some are and some wander around all day and don’t appear to do anything), that it is a horrible place to work with a very unpleasant atmosphere that just isn’t healthy.
Even those higher up are getting fed up with him.  But no one can touch him.  He could say he wanted everyone to dress in red and hop everywhere and they’d have to do it for fear of reprisals. He was furious because someone had a mug that wasn’t a Lush one! But Mark won’t have a word said against him.  He has given Jack a free run to do whatever he likes with the place and I’m sure he won’t stop until it all goes pear shaped and someone external has to step in and fix it.
Even higher up the food chain there is trouble.  Lush’s money man, co founder and shareholder Andrew Gerrie doesn’t like the direction that Mark is taking the company or that Jack is just allowed to play shops and mess with peoples lives.  He said this to Mark but anyone who makes any negative comments about the Constantine clan is doomed to failure so it didn’t go well and he has, sensibly, decided to sell his shares in the company and get out.
Bear in mind though that it was Andrew Gerrie (CEO) who steered Lush through the recession.  He is a very smart man who knows the global money markets and invested incredibly wisely offshore and in foreign currency etc. so that Lush didn’t go under in the recession so they will fare very badly without him.  Mark offered to buy his 21% share for half of what it was worth and Andrew, very sensibly, told Mark to fuck off.  Mark can’t afford to buy him out so is taking Andrew to court.  Yes, Lush in court again!  Andrew could sell the shares to anyone who wants them; the chuckle brothers maybe? Or L’Oreal?   Andrew is currently banned from entering any buildings or from talking to any staff on Mark’s say so.  In fact Mark is so petty and childish that he will probably victimise him the same way as he did the Amazon boss when he trademarked the name ‘Christopher North’.  We’ll have Andrew Gerrie toilet wipes next or something equally pathetic.
This isn’t confidential information though, it was quite openly discussed at the managers meeting and in subsequent digital meetings. It’s another one of those shameful company things that proper companies would try to keep quiet about or would deal with in a sensible way – listening to their shareholders and taking advice of people who really know what they’re talking about – but Lush seem to love washing their dirty linen in public because ‘any publicity is good publicity.’ They don’t seem to realize that it puts them in a bad light because their egos are so huge that they don’t think that they could ever be thought badly of.
Anyway, soon a fifth of the company will be owned by new shareholders that the Constantines can’t control and bully. This could be interesting.  As soon as the new investors realize that the man a the top is a dictator and his right hand man is an imbecile I wonder whether they will try to change things.  Watch this space!
Oh and another little snippet of news:
The new Oxford street shop that is massive and huge and costing millions has 4 excellent managers and trainees hand picked from successful shops running it and doing all the donkey work.  Who’s fronting it up, being made to look good and being paid to watch them work? Claire Constantine.  Us minions can only serve the masters of the universe.

Jo Loves Perfume (and so do I), part 11: Shards of Cedar and Red Thyme

It really pisses me off that Jo Loves won’t sell single sample bottles. If you can’t get to the shop in London and you want to try a Jo Loves fragrance, they’ll post you a scent strip, but that’s no good if you really want to know how it works on your skin.

Recently Jo Loves released a new cologne – Shards of Cedar and Red Thyme. That sounded interesting to me and the blurb on the website says the notes are bergamot, mint, lavender and vetiver. I’m not a huge fan of bergamot but I like the other three and I hoped they’d balance it out and make something lovely. So, I bought another Shot Box, listed Green Orange & Coriander and Pink Vetiver on ebay because I already know I don’t like them/they don’t work on me, and then I tried Shards of Cedar and Red Thyme.

I don’t know if my nose isn’t sensitive enough, or it just doesn’t work on my skin, but I can’t separate any notes out in this. It just smells like one huge unsubtle 70s aftershave – like being a child in a function hall at a family event surrounded by adults all wearing something different – Denim or Hai Karate or Brut or whatever else men wore in 1976. On me, this smells like something Gene Hunt from Life on Mars would wear when he goes on the pull. It’s eye-watering. Luckily though, like most of the Jo Loves range on my skin, it only lasts about 20 minutes. I’m a bit sad about it, because I love the idea of it, and the reality is just, on me, unpleasant. So, the sample bottle is on ebay now too, and I’m hoping the birthday fairy will bring me one of the ones I like.