No More Page 3 – Things That Have Happened To Me

Those of you who think that page 3 is harmless, if outdated and a bit tacky, fun and that “the feminists” are making a fuss about nothing, please read Clare Short’s book, Dear Clare. When you’ve done that, have a look at the No More Page 3 site where women have given many examples of how some men use page 3 as a starting point to harass, assault and demean women. And if that’s not enough to convince you, spend some time looking at Everyday Sexism where women talk about what happens to us – every single day.

I have never been the victim of a serious sexual assault, but I have experienced many forms of sexual harassment and assault. I do not know a single woman who has never experienced sexual harassment. It happens to us all. These are the ones that happened to me that stick in my mind the most.

1) When I was at primary school, once a month or so we would drive to the other side of town to visit my grandad’s aunt and uncle, who had brought him up. They lived in a very rural area with hardly any traffic about, a very short walk from a couple of farms. My brother (2 years younger than me) and I would go out to play and we were allowed to walk to the nearest farm and look at the animals. I don’t think I was any older than 7 when one day a farmhand offered to show us round. He walked between us, holding our hands, and I was so engrossed in not slipping in the muck and looking at the animals that it took a little while for me to realise he’d put my hand inside his trousers and wrapped it round his penis. It was broad daylight, there were people nearby, and I was no more than 7 years old. I pulled my hand away and he laughed. Once I told my parents, we weren’t allowed to go to the farm anymore.

2)  Secondary school – pushed up against a wall, had my breasts groped by a boy in my year

3) Aged 13-15 I had a weekday morning paper round. At least one morning a week the newsagent would come out from behind the counter, try to hug me and press himself against me – me, with my awful 80s perm, Deirdre Barlow specs, and newsprint-stained anorak.

4) Aged about 16, waiting for a bus with a friend, both of us wearing skirts that finished about an inch above the knee, bloke in a car queued at traffic lights spent the time shouting about our legs, then drove back to do it again.

5) Aged 20, in the summer holidays between the second and final year of my degree, I had a waitressing job in a restaurant in Edinburgh. The chef would regularly wank himself to an erection, wait until I was in the kitchen, then call me over and force my hand into his pocket so I could feel it. In August they brought family over from Italy to help out with the Festival rush. Their sisters brought their sons, aged about 7 and 5. The boys would frequently – several times a night every night – grope and squeeze my breasts and bum, hard enough to leave bruises. I told them to stop, and they laughed. Their uncles (my employers) told them to stop, but laughed and never enforced it. Their mothers told them to stop, told them off and smacked them for it, but they always carried on. Why did I put up with it? I was 20, jobs were hard to get that summer, it paid £3 an hour (which was good for waitressing in 1991) and I knew it was only for the summer, not forever. If it happened now I’d bring the full force of the law and the appropriate union down on the chef, and I’d make sure I dropped a stack of plates at the first hint of groping from the boys. (For those who are curious, it was La Rocca at the top of Broughton Street and the best day was bringing pizza & steak to Trevor & Simon).

6) Aged about 25, in a pub in town, wearing a dress which showed a bit of the tattoo on my back. A man I don’t know and had never spoken to licked his thumb and rubbed my tattoo. When I asked what the fuck he thought he was doing, he said he wanted to see if it was real. I told him he had no right to touch me. He said I wouldn’t be showing my tattoo if I didn’t want people to look. I told him you look with your eyes not with your hands and to get the fuck away from me. He was furious at being spoken back to and furious that I would challenge his right to touch a woman’s body.

7) Numerous instances of being groped, felt up, passed too closely and pressed against in pubs and clubs.

8) Numerous instances of comments on my body when cycling around town. “Nice tits” the most common, “fuck off” my preferred response.

9) More times than I can remember of men shouting in the street, following me/us (if I was with friends), blocking our way, commenting on our bodies. For the whole time I lived in Lindley and was old enough to go out without an adult, I would walk the long, isolated path at the back of Field Tops rather than go along the main street and have to walk past Carl Livesy’s butcher shop, where he and his butcher assistants would leer and yell.

10) Returning from a union thing in London, on a train with a bunch of other union activists. Everyone’s been drinking, people are falling asleep. I fall asleep, wake up to find the man next to me is allowing his hands to wander all over me while he thinks everyone’s asleep. The union dealt with that robustly. ETA: I should add that I have never felt harassed, threatened or unsafe at any other time during my years of union activity – for me, this was a one-off and I am happy that it was dealt with.

Apart from maybe the first one, I guarantee every single woman you know will have similar stories to tell, or worse.

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4 thoughts on “No More Page 3 – Things That Have Happened To Me

  1. I did some performance poetry about street harassment and every single female friend I asked, for research, had stories (a couple of men, too, but that tended to be just one or two incidences rather than a catalogue).

    I’m trying to think of the earliest thing – there was a man who lived in the same road as my friend who we knew was a flasher. He used to wear really short shorts with no pants underneath so that his cock poked out the leg. He was always outside the front of his house doing ‘DIY’ in various positions which enabled him to greet us cock first. There was a boy at school, too, when I was really young maybe 12, who used to tell me in great detail about what he’d been looking at in porn magazines, he was 15 or 16.

    When I was a student nurse it was terrible. Not helped by having to wear those fucking stupid dress uniforms and lift old men up the bed by first hoiking the dress up around your thighs so you could kneel your leg on the bed (I know you will like that bit!!). I had a creepy male cleaner asking me what I’d do if someone tried to watch me while I was on the toilet (I have found ‘What would you do? to be a bit of a theme over the years). I once had a man in my room after a night out, who said our mutual friend had told him I had swallows tattooed on my nipples, lifted my top up and bit both of them. One time coming home from college on the train, the man opposite me sat squeezing his penis through his trousers while he carried on a conversation with me. My personal tutor used to spend my one-to-one tutorial time commenting about how nice my legs were.

    In my nursing years I had comments from patients, relatives, staff, you name it. A woman’s husband told me once, in front of his mentally ill wife, that with ‘tits like that’ I should be on Baywatch. My ward manager got put out to pasture after his sexual harassment of me during the restraint of a young woman patient who was being forcibly medicated under the Mental Health Act. In front of her, and the team of men who were restraining her, he made comments about my arse as I bent down to inject her.

    I’ve got problems in my current workplace which I can’t really talk about, too.

    All those incidents are just the stand outs from hundreds and hundreds of things over about thirty years. And now I get to see my teenage daughter going through the same, she first had comments shouted at her about her breasts when she was 12 and wearing her school uniform. One time I was with her and a friend in town at night, when a group of drunk men approached the girls. These were grown men, the girls were 14 and not even old looking for their age. I told the men to leave it (and that is literally all I said, ‘leave them alone’ nothing more than that) and got a mouthful of vile verbal abuse for my troubles. Cos you know, how dare I?

    The sad thing is it is such a part of life, it’s actually hard to think of what has happened over the years because it’s just a constant feature.

    • Thank god for uniforms with trousers. Although the tunics they used to provide for us were cut so badly that you had to get a bigger size to be able to move your arms, and then the gaps between the buttons gaped so the porters could see your bra.

      • I used to think it was the only job in the world where they made you wear a uniform which made it more dangerous to do your job. There was so much research to show that wearing dresses and hats increased the risk of back injury, but they still made us wear them. Only the students had to wear hats, though, not the qualified nurses. They were like dunce’s hats.

  2. I’m willing to share my stories with your readership if it will do any good. Multiple rapes 17-21 yrs old. I think you can probably work out who I am from my email address!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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