Since about mid-December
– no motivation at all to do anything. My usual exercise regime of swimming 3-5 times a week plus 1 session of pilates has been reduced to swimming class once a week (and I think I only struggle to that because I don’t have to talk to anyone while I’m there). Apart from class, I’ve swum once this year and managed one session of pilates. I’ve made it to one of my silver classes and every other Tuesday night I’ve got home from work and been utterly unable to go out again. I’m spending every weekend in my pyjamas doing nothing, not even cleaning my teeth until bedtime. On Saturday I was really thirsty and it took me 40 minutes to work up the oomph to walk five paces and get a drink of water
– bad thoughts. No thoughts of suicide or self-harm, but constant thoughts about bad things happening to loved ones, like daydreams of awfulness which eventually bring me to tears unless something external gets me out of it, like a phone call or a cat jumping on my head
– really tired all the time, but no changes to my sleep pattern
– joint pain, especially really sore elbows in the morning
– the elbows might be because the 2+ stone I have lost over the past 2 years has all gone back on in the past 3 months and lying on them hurts. Not motivated to cook properly for myself, living on delicious chocolate and biscuits. All I want is sugar and carbs
– no desire to socialise at all, just want to be left alone in silence
– all my work paperwork is up to date, for the first time in ever, because I’d rather sit at my desk typing than make phone calls or visits.
– all of the things that I should do to combat it all, like exercise and eating healthily, are utterly beyond me
– I can make an effort and put a front up in front of other people, but as soon as I’m on my own I turn into a big schlumping human beanbag. I’m trudging through a sludgy brown world instead of skipping (or at least ambling) through a world of colour
Saw the GP today and agreed that we would do blood tests to check for thyroid problems etc and if that’s all normal then we’ll start antidepressants. We also agreed that there was no point telling me to eat healthily and do regular exercise, cos I was doing all that when it started, and if I could do it now I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor in the first place.